Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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