Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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