PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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