where are you?
Hypothermia
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
