i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
