On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
