so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
