I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
