Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
