so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
