I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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