Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
