Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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