You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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