I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
