And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
