Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
