I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
