He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
