dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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