I smell stomach acid.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
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he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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