Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
