The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize