how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
