We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
