Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
