I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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