Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
