My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there is glitter all over my balls
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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