You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
