dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
