i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
