just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
