When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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