that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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