just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
