If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
