Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
