I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
