I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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