She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
