just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
