hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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