Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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