I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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