It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
