I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
