How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
