I cockslap morals
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
