i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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