i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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