it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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