What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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