i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
