if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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