My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
