He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
