the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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