I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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