Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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