Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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