every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
