did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so much tequila, so little girl.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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