Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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