Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
