You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
