I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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