she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
