That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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