Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
