the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I CAN MOONWALK!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
