Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my being single is dangerous.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
