Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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