I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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