when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
