i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This house was built for laser tag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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