Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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