I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
