your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize