paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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