I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
